oops!

i've been MIA, it appears...

i guess there was finals, a little mountain climbing in utah, sitting by the fire at Norpine, christmas in swaziland and new year's in johannesburg, skiing, drumming, sledding, skiing, studying, skiing, drumming, skiing, sleeping sleeping sleeping...

what? midterms??

Remember when groundhog day mattered because it ACTUALLY felt important to determine whether we'd have 'another' 6 weeks of winter? winter just came here last week so... if we don't get another 6 weeks i'm going to be a groundhog myself.

in other news i'm transitioning to a more trans/gender neutral identity with Kris.

and until i have something to say myself, read this blitz from an awesome awesome kid in Students for Africa, it was our dinner discussion last night:

Hey all,

This Jesse speaking, I've stolen the SFA blitz mic.

I'd really like to know WHY you all think it's important to be involved with SFA. If you have principled reasons, what are they? In thinking about my own reasons, I've come up against a scary observation (having to do with self-centeredness and ineffectiveness). I'm pretty sure it's something we've touched on, at least briefly in previous discussions -- it's a topic that's hard to avoid.

I like lots of things/people/places from/in Africa, and we talk about / listen to / watch those things in SFA meetings. I enjoy myself at the meetings, I feel a connection to a place that is important to me (when we listen to music from senegal, or watch a movie about senegal), and I feel I'm working to upset the monotony of America's cultural influence on me. Those are some reasons for me to be involved.

The people are fun and varied -- I'm meeting / have met great people whom I wouldn't have met otherwise.

I think good things can come out of our meetings and activities that could benefit both the campus and, hopefully, people in Africa.

But there's another reason that I'm involved with SFA. It's something that was part of my motivation for going on a Tucker Fellowship to Kisumu in Kenya, for going to China, for choosing a major that focused on Africa, it's something that will be part of my motivation for seeking further education and, finally, for seeking employment in International "Development":

I want to *make something of myself*.

It sounds pretty innocuous when I put it that way. But frankly, I sometimes feel that I, and friends of mine with similar interests, are trying to *USE* Africa for our own personal gain. Competing with other service-oriented people; looking for the most remote service assignment so we can be more "hardcore" or more "authentic". Choosing projects that will look good on a resume, but might not actually do the most for the supposed beneficiaries of the project.

I'm exposing myself to some serious criticism/attack here, but I really think anybody who's interested in service in *this society* has to deal with some of the same issues.

Why do I want to make something of myself?
Should I allow myself to want that?
What motivations should I have for pursuing success?
What is the pressure I feel to do "amazing" things in order to advance myself?
Who defines "amazing"?
Where does that pressure originate?
If my *success* is generated by that pressure, how much does it really help people in need?
Are resumes evil? Are grades evil? Are performance assessments in general all evil?


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So, what are you using to make something of yourself? to feel better about your privilege? who are you objectifying in your 'service'?

kind of a jarring question...