ICE SOCCER

This one's for you, Caitlin.

Today I discovered the BEST game EVER! It even tops rollersoccer, which my brother and Caitlin's siblings invented sometime around 7th grade in the church parking lot. That game was fun because two of us were big (the girls) and the other two were small. So we'd rollerblade to top speed and then accidentally run them over.
ICESOCCER, however, is more egalitarian in nature because it's based on the philosophy that anyone is capable of falling face first, or butt first, when everyone is using the same tiny amount of friction to fight gravity. A close kin to broomball, which is like hockey except with brooms, a ball, and no skates, ICESOCCER is soccer with smaller goals (we used bookbox sized cardboard boxes) played on ice. It's especially awesome after a couple inches of powder, because snow provides some very illusionary traction. Remember 9th grade gym class--whether you were no star, but somewhat athletic, or not athletic at all--feeling such animosity towards the kid who always seemed to beat out her challenger and score goal after goal? Imagine her making the break-away, going for the shot, and eating snow. Everytime. That, my friends, is what makes ICESOCCER the sport of the century. Plus it's even a blast for two people--my bro and i play full contact--because the break-aways happen more frequently (anytime one player falls down) and thus result in more hilarious wipeouts (generally as soon as the still-standing player realizes she might actually score a goal). All formerly supersweet combo soccer foot tricks cause a solid butt-kissing; all carefully aimed shots are foiled by snow, big boots, and a mobile goal; most of all, moving fast of any kind has disastrous implications for all involved. Being in shape is optional, having good balance is no particular advantage, and dignity means being able to laugh the hardest. Finally, I highly recommend playing at dusk with a black and white ball. Then even people with good eyesight are out of luck.