go big...
It's March 31 and today I climbed a tree barefoot! Four stories up, standing swaying on a branch with my hands in my pockets, I decided I climb trees to see whether or not I should be living. It's a kind of laugh and smile towards whatever holds the universe together (god?). You trust your intuition, your feet and your hands, and commit yourself to the tree. I had a nice conversation with a squirrel, and a bird who accidentally flew into me (no joke!).
A friend read my blog yesterday and mentioned that I'm full of commitments. She's right; as much as I change I'm always fiercely committed to something. It makes the most sense that way -- like in band, when they tell the percussionists to play with confidence even when we're wrong, because halfassing something is always LAME. Better to screw up the piece and take a wooping from the band afterwards than to miss your cue, and punk out of your entire purpose as a percussionist.
...right...
Kris is sticking, forever and ever. Also i'm a guy. so, dealing with that right now. for those of you who haven't woken up one morning realizing your body doesn't fit your gender, it's crazy, but so much fun!
as i told a friend the other day, now is the time i take a beating for all those years i hated on white masculinity hardcore. confronting my whiteness was/is painful, but not too hard really,
and good, because people always perceived me as white, and the more you confront it the more fully you're able to live. confronting my masculinity is like trying to beat up a monster in a dark closet...it's dark, i'm not really sure what it looks like or what it's made of, and most people don't think it's real, even if they humor me...and the more i prove it is real, the more problems i create that have no solutions, at least in the short term.
Since this post now consists of two bad analogies, let me just finish off by saying, that monster is getting BEATEN with a big stick. Or at least dragged out of the closet so everyone can prepare themselves to deal with it.
yeah commitments!
posted by Kris @ 5:51 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Hi Kristina!
I am puzzled with this post but at least I am glad to know that you're still having fun and climbing trees.
I miss you. God bless and have a blessed holy week.
yay, kris wrote in her blog!
haha, i want to climb a four story tree... :(
well, have fun eniliating that monster!!
Kris,
I wish you the best of luck on your path of self discovery/acceptance. I also apologize for the fact that my last sentence sounds like a cheesy afterschool special. Must be all that social justice training.
Anyway, I would love updates on how you're doing, since I'm at a bit of a loss on what to say (since I've never had to confront the things you're confronting.)
Again, I wish you well; it can't be easy. Trans issues are so rarely talked about in our society, so many of the things you're going through are completely foreign to majority people. Here I go again, telling you things you already know.
Umm....yeah. I'm thinking about you. In a completely positive, nonstalkerish way.
Kelsey
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